Friday 1 April 2011

Wanted: Real-Life Monsters!

Hey all,

Right, we’re setting aside our scepticism for a moment. As a rule, we’re pretty secular, rational, twenty-first century people, here at Abaddon Towers – as I think you have to be, to publish books about zombies, aliens, and steam-powered robots – but there are enough people out there who are convinced about the existence of the supernatural in this world, or even that they are supernatural creatures themselves, that it’s got to be worth suspending your doubts and taking a plunge.

Which is why we’re looking for real-life monsters to write books for us. If you are a genuine Haitian zombie, or a vampire hunting among the social elite of Paris, and you think you can write a book, then get in touch with us!

We appreciate that the inhuman, posthuman and superhuman communities are traditionally very reluctant to come out and make themselves known, and we can promise total anonymity. But we do need all our writers for this project to definitely be supernatural beings, and may ask you to (discreetly) provide proof. We also recognise that these communities are small, so it may be that the number of monsters interested in writing a book – and able to do so with flair and confidence – may be small, but if you’re out there, we want you.

What we need from you is a pitch, including a chapter breakdown and writing sample, for our latest project, which we haven’t given a title yet, but which we’re tentatively calling “Ultranormal Romance” (or “Urban Mundanity”). Some ideas we’re knocking around at the moment include a series of books set in a world in which accountants have risen up and destroyed civilisation; a love story between a normal girl from the big city and a tortured dentist on the run from his own kind; and an alternate history in which Gordon Brown is still the Prime Minister. These are rough guidelines only; if you have a similar pitch in mind, get in touch and we can workshop it.

So get in touch, and your name might be on the cover of one our most exciting new series in 2012!


richard casey said...

so this is an april fools right? Gotta be honest, it's not really funny and comes of as kind of mean.

David Moore said...

Hi Richard,

Sorry you feel that way. It was intended as a harmless joke!


Anonymous said...

Yeah, dude, think about the feelings of the undead for a second. Sheesh.

Anonymous said...

Thought you were accepting submissions in this bit though on your contact bit you say you aren't. This very confusing. Or is this a mean practical joke, as it was posted on April 1st, in view of all those aspiring authors hoping to interest a publisher? Best Wishes,
Alan Cash