Thursday 29 October 2009

Robots scare the sh*t outta me

Hi all,

Just what the hell is wrong with scientists? I mean, for real.

I appreciate that the zombipocalypse is coming; that even if I live in a first floor apartment with a reinforced door, an escape route down from the balcony, and a room full of shotguns, tinned food and water, the likelihood is that my life will end to the sound of my own skull fragmenting under zombie teeth. I don't like it, but I accept it. Maybe I even welcome it, just a little bit.

So why the hell are the scientists of the world trying to prevent it by ensuring that the robopocalypse happens first? Is being ground under the titanium exoskeletons of my robotic masters enough better than becoming one of the world's army of mindless dead to justify turning it into some kind of race?

Robots can now run, climb, fly, drive, and handle rough terrain. They're stronger than us, smarter than us, and six years ago some damn fool in Japan worked out how to make robots that feed on human blood (Dr. Kazuo Eda, heading the research, said "It is like the metabolism of food... When glucose is oxidised, electrons can be obtained." He went on to add, "No! No! You cannot turn on me! I created you! I am your masterrraaaaaaaarghhhh!....").

We just keep ignoring the signs. In 2007, a robot gun in South Africa went crazy and killed nine friendly soldiers. The army was investigating whether this was caused by a "mechanical glitch," but you and I know they're testing us, seeing how far they can go before we realise the revolution has started.

And today, I was shown this video of a robot that can reassemble itself when smashed apart. Now, after the revolution, when our sons are living in dirt trenches and fighting the evil robot overlords, when we'll finally realise - oh, too tragically late - that we should never have created these machines in the first place and start to fight back, our angry mobs will tear the damn metal bastards apart only to watch them reassemble themselves and come back stronger than ever.

Way to go, scientists. Dicks.


Sweet Vernal Zephyr said...

I noticed that your blog over here doesn't get much comment love - so here you go! Genuine, warm, non-robotic, fleshy and alive cuddling.

I just found you & your skills as a wordsmith are entertaining & I am going to add you to my super secret blogger reading list.

Happy Thursday - Miranda

PS - Beware the robot revolution, but where does that put the half-breeds? Is that really an artificial hip or just a self-detonating device that has yet to be remotely triggered... in tandem!

David Moore said...

Hi Miranda,

Thanks for reading; I'll try and be as entertaining as I can!

If you jump over to, you can see the books I edit. Haven't written anything myself, yet, but we can probably tickle you. No vampires as yet, but zombies all over the shop.

And cyborgs - totally. Like, I'm very happy that we can provide functioning limbs for amputees or pacemakers for people with ailing hearts, but aren't we just equipping the metal despots with an army of flesh-puppets?

Keep the faith, sister.